I have been avoiding posting anything because I didn’t want to think about it another day. I knew I would write down what I was feeling and wasn’t quite ready to put it into words. When it comes down to it I just don’t know if I have the strength to do it ALL again. With Alexander, he just turned 3 and is chatting up a storm and he listens better in noisy environments then my other children. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Never in our wildest dreams did we think it could happen again.
I had imagined Reese and I spending her first months lounging around, filling up baby books with pictures, working on house projects and cooking, instead I have been spending my time contacting Dr.’s from all over the country and meeting with service coordinators from our county. It seems so unreal, we’re doing this all over again. As her mom I get to be the one who is the hearing aid expert, therapist and teacher. I am all too familiar with the process; which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. There is so much time invested physically, financially and emotionally. I know what has to be done to help her succeed. Yet every hearing loss is like a fingerprint, no one’s is the same. Nothing is a guarantee.
My friend Jessica said it best, “having children with health problems is heart wrenching, faith building, and teaches you that you can do things never imagined”.
What did I not learn the first time that I need to learn this time around?
She is adorable!!! I am so sad I haven't met her yet. Soon!
ReplyDeleteYou are an incredible mother/teacher/woman.
ReplyDeleteAn inspiration.
I don't think it's neccessarily that you didn't learn something the first time but rather, you are so willing to put in the time money and effort needed to help this beautiful little girl. You did, and continue to do a wonderful job with Alexander and will do the same with Reese. We will pray for you none the less.
ReplyDeleteoh monica... she is such a doll. i am so sorry you have to do this again. it is devastating when something is wrong with your child and you can't just fix it.
ReplyDeletei bet it is because you did such a good job that reese was like yes i want her to be my momma.
you are awesome.
she is gorgeous. and my thoughts and prayers are with you. you are so strong and if anyone can do this, you can.
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxoxoxo!
You can do hard things! And you inspire me to be better!
ReplyDeleteSending love......
ReplyDeleteMonica-
ReplyDeleteJust the other day I was thinking about you (don't even know why) and I decided to track down your blog again. Your little Reese is such a beautiful baby! I seriously can't even begin to tell you how dainty, delicate and perfect her little features are.
She is lucky beyond belief to have been sent to such an amazing mommy- one who will fight every battle with all her might because she wants the best for her baby girl. I can't begin to imagine the discouragement at thinking you have to fight this battle twice, but I'm sure our Heavenly Father has a handfull of good reasons.
Next week marks the one year anniversary of our little Robby's (age two now) diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes. I understand the heartache that comes with knowing your child will have struggles that seem far too unfair for such a little body. And I know all too well the battle that we fight to get them the best care, the best technology, and the best future- it's exhausting.
My husband and I have recently addressed our fears of having another child. We know the odds are slim for a second diagnosis, but we're not sure we could handle it if the odds turn out not be in our favor. This anxiety and fear is almost paralyzing.
But you my dear are facing this reality with such grace. Please know that I'll be rooting for you and little Reese. My goodness, look at what miracles you brought about in her big brothers life. It may be a different path and a far greater struggle, but you can do it again. Hang in there!!!
...and seriously, when it gets too tough, just chomp on those adorable little cheeks. I bet she's delicious!